


Ranboo's Lament

by Dexilt



Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, mcyt
Genre: Abandonment, Abuse, Angst, Basement, Beta Read, CC, Compasses, Completed, Dark, Depression, Descriptions of Pain, Dream Smp, Dream is quite cold, Edited, Fictional, Fighting, Finished, George and Sapnap stops him, George tries to comfort him, Graphic Description, Horror, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Interrogation, Letters, Locked up, Memory Loss, Mentions of Death, Minecraft, Moving On, NO DEATH, No use of real names, Ranboo - Freeform, Ranboo is part enderman-, Serious Injuries, Teleportation, Torture, Tubbo - Freeform, Villain Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), abuser, beside george but thats obvious, blisters, chained down, dream - Freeform, dreamwastaken - Freeform, friendships, georgenotfound - Freeform, he misses his friends a lot, held captive, it hurt to write this, mcyt - Freeform, prisoner, sapnap - Freeform, scared, streamer - Freeform, torture in form of water, water is like acid i guess, yes they have them here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28759086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dexilt/pseuds/Dexilt
Summary: Ranboo can't remember where he is or how he got there- he can't remember anything and his book is ripped from his hands. Instead of being home with his friends he finds himself stuck in a chair together with one, cold demon who demands answers from him.Major description of torture. Please read tags.
Comments: 35
Kudos: 400





	1. Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there
> 
> This is not what i usually write, in fact I have never written anything like this before. This fic is not for soft hearted and can be quite heavy as it contains torture as a main. Its dark and violent so please make sure to keep yourself safe and to not read if those things makes you uncomfortable. Please please stay safe.
> 
> I also want to say I wish no harm upon the CC's or hate. I love Ranboo and Dream with all of my heart and this is ONLY based on the Dream SMP. Dream is the sweetest person out there, he is in no mean a bad person. Remember that. 
> 
> I hope you can enjoy the story!

He had never been scared of the dark. No, it was soothing to just fall back and feel the darkness comfort him during the nights when the stars and the moon provided a muffled light. There was nothing in the world he would trade those precious moments for. Or well, maybe there was. It really depended on what the deal was, but the point is it was one of those prized moments he carried around with him. He had never been scared of the dark— he never needed to look for, nor fear the monsters hiding in the shadows. 

In a way he was viewed as the monster. He was part enderman, after all, with their blood coursing through his veins and aiding his strength. That would classify him as some sort of loosely defined monster and so he was not afraid, because what one calls a monster is not one in someone else’s eyes. Sometimes a monster was just what they always have been, a monster. Books and epic poetry painted them up to be horrible creatures bound to be defeated and maybe that was true, but the boy believed himself to be an exception and that he would never, ever, hurt anyone. He wasn’t what everyone thought about when they heard the word ‘monster’. So how did he end up here?

The world around him was dark, but he could not remember ever falling asleep. But there were many things he could not remember due to his short-term memory loss. He often found himself missing key information because he never remembered what he had done or what other people had said but usually that was okay since his friends were there to remind him. He also carried around a book with himself where he wrote down his thoughts and his days like a diary to remember and to make sure he did not lose sight of what is valuable. It worked pretty well. 

Although now, things seemed to be different. His eyes were slowly getting used to the dark and so he managed to make out the sights of walls surrounding him and trapping him in a room which lacked windows. There was only a lamp standing on a table at the other end of the room which was emitting a very soft light. It barely even helped but at least it was something he guessed- the lightbulb really needs to get changed though. Cobwebs were all over it and it looked like it was going to break any second now. 

He tried to stand up, using his body strength but finding out that it was being rather difficult. He could not budge at all no matter what he tried to do and that is how he found out about the straps covering his wrists, his stomach and his legs. He was tied down- by who? He did not know. 

Due to his memory he could not even remember if he had been here before or if he had seen the one capturing him. He could not even find it in his head that someone had grabbed him and brought him to this place. His head felt so empty and for the first time in a very long time it terrified him, a lot. Where was he? How had he even gotten to this place? The questions were buzzing inside of his head and hurting him, he just wanted it all to stop and to get out of there as fast as possible. 

His chest was going up and down quickly with how he was breathing- his heart pounding in his chest as it spread the blood through his body as well as adrenaline. It all felt too much and it hurt- but where did it even hurt? He could not pinpoint it to one place, the pain was all over his body and stung him, burning into his skin and seeping into his body like acid. 

A cut off cry escaped his lips, his throat protesting against the air which was trying to let go of him. His throat felt sore and tight as if he had already been screaming for a very long time. It hurt and it was hard to even try and to get out noises- the pain making it harder for him to try and form words. Everything hurt and he could not even see why since his eyes had still to adjust themselves fully. For now he could only see the outlines of things and stuff which laid close towards the lamp at the other end of the room. He cursed internally as he turned his head around. 

Behind him there seemed to be a door, a door which was dark and looked to blend in with the rest of the walls which surrounded him. He felt like he was drowning as he sat there, his eyes searching around the area and trying to find something to reveal where he was. Maybe he had managed to leave notes to himself on the walls or on the floor- something to help him remember what was going on or where he was. Why was he in such pain? Why had he been screaming and why the hell was he even there?

He had not done anything wrong as far as he knew, he had been a good citizen and trying to be kind and nice to everyone else around him. He had not hurt anyone and he had not been a threat to either side during the war. He had actually been quite calm in the whole situation and had only been standing by Tubbo’s side and trying to be supportive of him. They had not gotten into any fights as far as he knew. On the other hand, who knew what had happened for the past day or days. That leads to another question- how long had he been here?

“Help…” His voice did not sound like his own as he looked up towards the roof, desperately trying to make himself heard even if his throat was protesting. It hurt to speak, it hurt so much. He had never experienced something like this before and it sucked to say the least, it sucked so bad and he just wanted to go home. Maybe he was home- he had no idea. 

There were footsteps outside of the room which made him jerk his head around and turn towards the door behind him, trying to get a good luck to see if it would open or not. He once again tried to say a quiet ‘help’ but it came out even worse than the one before. Tears pricked his eyes at that, praying that whoever it was outside heard him and was there to help him to get out of there. He prayed and hoped with all of his might that Tubbo might be around to come and save him. He missed his friend, he missed him more than he thought he could. 

There was a rustling of what he believed to be keys before the turning of a lock- telling him that someone was opening up the door to him. A part of him wanted to smile and to scream again thinking that rescue was near and that he was finally getting out of here, that he was escaping this dark and dirty place. He would go home, he could go home!

Inside stepped a man dressed in simple clothing. His pants were black and pockets littered the sides, filled with god knows what. The man also sported an extremely familiar green hoodie. It was a familiar and soft green which reminded him of the woods during summer. That time of year when they are such a fully deep green which reflects the light of the sun and dances above you in the sky. He liked that shade of green, but over time the shade had grown to be more of a sign of trouble. 

He was not wearing his mask which he was not sure was a good sign. No one ever saw him without his mask beside his two best friends- and even to them it had taken a long time to bring up courage to show them from what he had heard. Only Sapnap and George knew about the other man’s face and how he looked like- why was he any special here and why was he getting to know? Did Dream really think of his memory that poorly? Did he trust that Ranboo would forget that quickly about him and what he looked like? In a way he was not entirely wrong- he did forget things pretty easily unless he got reminded of them or it was a major part of his life. 

He looked bothered as his hood was up and covering most of the dirty blond strands which were peeking out and falling around his face. His eyes were dark and almost looked black as he looked at them shining in the dark- a terrifying thing to see in a place like this, especially in this situation. He did not like it and the feeling of that rescue might be here was slowly fading away and getting replaced with something else as he looked at the man who walked inside. 

In his hand he was holding a large bucket, but what it contained he was not sure. It sounded like it might be some sort of liquid- he was not sure. He was also quite scared to find out about what exactly it might be in there and so he made sure to not ask any questions for now and return his eyes towards the other who was walking to stand in front of him, putting down the heavy looking bucket beside him and dragging out a chair for himself to sit in. 

Ranboo did not dare to say any words, his mouth sealed shut as he watched the man in front of him. The man who had taken a seat on the very old looking chair which had been around for way too long stared at him, almost through him. It made him feel uneasy as the smell of old and forgotten filled his nose, promising that the stone walls would keep him in here and that the only one looking after him would be dust and dirt. He tried to swallow, flinching slightly as it went down his throat. What had he been doing? 

“Are you ready to speak today?” Dream spoke, his voice cold and harsh. It did not sound like the Dream he once knew, the Dream who messed around with his friend and the Dream which the others had talked about. The Dream before all of this had sounded like such a gentle and kind person- taking care of everyone around him and loving his friends like it should be. What had happened for that to change?

What does someone have to go through for it to turn out like this? What do you have to do to someone for them to break and turn into something they are not? Ranboo was not sure and he was starting to get nervous about finding out. He could not stay here, he could not be around Dream when he was like this. But the restraints kept him in the chair which felt like it was starting to become a part of him. It was uncomfortable and his body hurt and ached at the wishes of wanting to stand up. 

Ranboo narrowed his eyes at him, trying to understand better and to get to know what was going on. He could not remember anything, it all seemed to be blank as his eyes searched for answers in the other. But none were given and Dream looked quite annoyed with the whole situation, sighing at him before leaning back in his chair. 

“I am losing my patience with you.”

Sweat was starting to pool on his skin as he listened carefully, trying to extract anything from the older man's word. He was terrified and he was not even sure on what he had done wrong- he had just been the minuteman and writing book after book about what was going on. It seemed like a mess, a mess he was not even aware of it. There was something missing which he was not even aware of, something which was hidden away behind closed doors which were not opening up for him. He looked down. 

He had no idea how long he had been here but judging by the older male’s words he had not just gotten here, he must have been here for a little while. Had he fallen asleep or had he gotten knocked out? He could not remember as his body trembled in fear of what might have happened to him. There were small blisters all over his arms from what he could see, small marks littering his skin as if acid had been dropped down on him. It made him choke on a breath. 

He stared at the marks which looked straight back at him, taunting him and making him feel even more nauseous. They were burning him and hurting- almost as if there was a flame placed against his skin and was now trying to slowly torture him. It hurt so much and he wanted it to stop, he had no idea how they had even gotten there or what could have been the cause for them. All he knew was that it must have something to do with Dream who chuckled in front of him. 

“Does it still hurt?” It did not sound like Dream was talking, usually his voice was so soft and so soothing and alive. Now it was straight down cold and reminded him of old stones. It made the kid look up once again, trying to look into those green and dark eyes for any signs that this was some sick prank going on or that this was all fake. He could not believe this was happening.

“What do you mean? What is all of this?” He could barely believe that it was him talking, it sounded so out of character and as if his voice was not his own. He hated it and he wanted it to stop, but the burning pain inside of him had already proved to not be on its way out any time soon. He would have to fight through it. 

Dream reached over for the bucket and placed it between them, revealing its content as it splashed and got thrown around inside the metal walls which contained it. Ranboo felt everything inside of him turn numb and cold as he looked at it, staring at the water which was resting peacefully in front of him. It looked so calm and so soft, almost beautiful as it just laid there in front of him almost as if it was not going to hurt him. 

But he knew water was dangerous and was to not be trusted. It could feel promising and bring joy- but it was all a mask to hide what it really was. Water was like a wolf in sheep's clothing, pretending to be the joy of all and calm when it in reality was forceful and would not hesitate to unleash its own beast. It took everything that stood in its way without second thoughts. It grabbed lives as well, not letting anyone fall under mercy as it roared. But to Ranboo, it was even worse. 

Water hurt him more than he could ever explain, if the liquid touched him it burned like nothing else and if he was to be fully emerged in it he would die in a minute. He had never been able to go swimming or to go for a walk in the rain like all of his friends had been able to do. He always had to wear hats or bring umbrellas when there was a chance of rain, something which could sound annoying and sad; but he had gotten used to it a long time ago and so it did not bother him anymore. 

It was the side of him which was Enderman that was to blame for this. The blood in his veins and the genes which built him up was to blame for this trouble and in a way he hated it. He could not stand water and he could not touch it no matter how much he wanted to. For him it was like touching lava or some sort of acid- tearing into his skin and seeping into him ready to claim another life. It was terrifying and to see it standing there in front of him made his whole body scream in fear. 

He wanted to scream at Dream to get the water away from him and to let him go, he wanted to beg him to leave and to get these bindings off of him or spare him from the water. His heart was racing and his eyes were starting to get blurry as he looked at the water, the water which felt like it would have been smirking at him if it was a person. Dream was basically holding a knife to his throat in another sick way. It was all sick. 

“Please no…” The boy whimpered as he fought against the ropes and the leather straps which were holding him in a tight grip. They complained at him trying to wiggle out of them but they did not budge or leave him any promises of breaking to release him. Everything hurt and it dug into his skin, burning him almost like the water in front of him could. Although the water would do a lot more damage than some old leather and ropes. The air felt cold and he could no longer feel the smell of bricks and dust.

Dream leaned forward in his chair as he looked at the boy in front of him, smiling in a sick and twisted way as he watched the boy in front of him fill up with terror. He only watched in satisfaction how the other boy felt fear, fear which he was inflicting upon him more easily than he could on any other man who dared to oppose him. Ranboo was too easy, all because of who he was. 

“Then you better start speaking.” Dream let his fingers dig into the water and break the surface, engulfing his skin in the liquid while still staring at the boy in front of him. The boy who had not even had time to turn into a full on adult yet. But even so he was tall, taller than him even. He was skilled as well when it came to fighting but nowhere near as good as him. On the other hand, only one person around was a potential threat to him and he did not even have to worry about the man who lived far away in the woods. 

Ranboo’s eyes tore themselves away from the water, the water which seemed to be closer than it was and the water which could literally kill him if Dream decided that it would be a fun idea to dump it all over him. It would not take long for the water to strip him of his skin and leave him a screaming and hurling mess- dying slowly as he burned away in a small room hidden away. 

He missed his friends, he missed going to Tommy to write him notes and to see the boy mess around with Ghostbur. He missed taking care of all of his animals back home or watch as Quackity pulled up with some new idea which was half-bad. He missed hearing Karl laugh his strange little laugh and he missed his home. But most of all he missed Tubbo. 

Tubbo had been his first friend around him, the little man running around trying to keep L’manburg safe and working his hardest in doing so. He deserves so much more than he was giving and not a single day passed by as the other did not admire his friend. He missed him a lot, he wished that he could be here so that he could feel safe and loved once more. But on the other hand he was glad that his friend was not here since that would mean he was in trouble as well. 

He hoped that Tubbo was back home and that he was safe, maybe that he even was looking for him. He hoped that he was out there looking for him or noticing that he had gone missing. The guy must’ve known of his disappearance, right? He did know that he was gone, he had to. Ranboo silently prayed, hoping that Tubbo could hear him whispering for help.

“What do you even want to know?” He sobbed out, trying to keep himself somewhat calm and not let the other know that he was already starting to break down in fear. He hated himself for it, he felt weak and disgusting being tied to that chair with one of his now enemies sitting in front of him with the strongest poison ever. A poison which was so simple and could be found anywhere but could still kill him in the matter of seconds. Ranboo shook his head, trying to get the strands of hair out of his face. 

“What are Tubbo’s plans? What is he doing with L’manburg right now?” Dream questioned and Ranboo narrowed his eyes on him, trying to understand why he of all people was the one who was captured. 

He stood closest to Tubbo right now beside Quackity. He was one of the few people his friend actually trusted to keep close now that Tommy was gone. Tommy who had left Tubbo a trembling mess for Ranboo to take care of. Although he did not blame either of the two since it was Dream pulling the strings and using the kids as their own puppets. It was sickening and he had swore to never fall victim for the other. Yet, here he was. 

The thing is he has a brain which lets him forget things too easily and too fast. He could barely remember things which had happened the day before and so he kept a book with him to remind himself of different things so he never lost his morals. The book is what kept him where he was and now he did not have it. He could not even remember what Tubbo was doing or what he was planning, the other man barely let him know anyways. He only let down a few things about what he was thinking. 

Even if he did remember, he would never betray his friends' country like that. He would never let himself fall underneath the other man’s power and he would not let him know anything about their plans. L’manburg was not only for Tubbo, it was for everyone. It was something which had gone through way too much only to be betrayed by a simple citizen. It had survived so much and it had taken hit after hit and been used for power too many times that it was slowly starting to turn into a game instead of a safe place. 

He had come around since he wanted to one day be president over this country, he had first joined this whole thing because he saw a way of changing the future and because he thought it was something worth fighting for. To just bow down to Dream? Never would have happened. He could not even remember so what did it matter?

“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully and the expression on the blond’s face twisted into something he wished he never would have had to see. It was filled with hatred and with anger, looking like something straight out of a murder movie where the villain was a sick and twisted madman. It scared him. 

He only heard a splash before the pain began, tearing through his skin and seeping into him without mercy. There were only a few drops landing on his skin but it did not matter, the pain felt like nothing else. It felt like someone had dropped lava down onto him, or used a heated metal needle and forced it to break his skin and was now sitting there, resting inside of him. He could barely even hear himself screaming as the pain felt unbearable- paralyzing him and making him unable to move. Not that the restraints would have let him anyways. 

He was taking short and fast breaths, leaning forward in his chair trying to bite himself through the pain. He was not even sure what the marks would look like after this and he had no intentions on finding out. His eyes were closed although he could not ever remember closing them. They must have done that on their own. The boy whimpered quietly. 

“I am tired of your lies!” Dream stood up from the chair, kicking it backwards and towards the wall where it tumbled around and let out a few creaking noises. He was mad, no doubt about that. There was no where he could go and there was no way in hell he could even make it out of here if he tried. The other man was enraged and Ranboo guessed that they had been doing this before. 

Now he was happy he could not remember. 

He wanted to cry and he wanted to sob as the pain ached inside of his body. His nerves were screaming and crying at him as they reacted to the danger which was being planted on him. They were begging for him to go, begging for him to get out of there and get to safety. But he couldn’t, he was stuck in here together with Dream. Maybe even until he died. 

The thought of dying like this and dying to Dream was horrible. He had always imagined himself dying when he was alone surrounded by a family or by his friends. Maybe he could even have a little cat curled up alongside with him which would keep himself as he passed on. He would live a great life and he would experience love and happiness. He wanted to see L’manburg grow and he wanted to see Tubbo and Tommy reunite again. He did not want to die here, not like this. 

“I’m not lying.” He breathes out while trying to keep his voice steady, his head hanging down in front of Dream who was most likely studying the other boy’s behaviour. Ranboo was in a lot of pain, it did not take a genius to see that. But Dream had already seen this before and he wanted it all to just be over with already, he wanted the boy in front of him to just break and give him what he wanted. 

Dream huffed and shook his head before squatting down, sitting in front of the younger behind the bucket of water as he stared at him, trying to see if he could get eye contact. The younger did not budge however and kept his gaze downwards while trying to focus on his breathing. It was downright depressive to watch. 

“Just tell me what they are planning, and I will stop. You have my word, Ranboo. Just tell me.”

This time nothing could hold back tears as Dream dipped his hand back into the water, cupping it and lifting up a handful of the liquid to show off to the other. The water was managing to roll down through the cracks between his fingers, making it look even more intimidating as it slowly rolled down on the floor. Ranboo breathed heavily, shaking his head. 

“Dream stop, please.” He begged quietly, not understanding why he was the target or what he had done to deserve this. He could not remember, he could not understand and his whole world was caving in as he watched the man in front of him, threatening him as if he was nothing more than just a rat scavenging around the floor. Tears streamed down, or well what he considered to be tears at least. His eyes burned as he silently pleaded for the other one to stop, begging him. 

But Dream only stared at him, his gaze unshifting. There seemed to be a lack of emotions in that empty smile, a lack of sympathy. Did he feel nothing? Did he truly not feel a thing as he pushed this method of torture onto a kid trying to help his best friend run a country? Is this all that mattered to him? Ranboo wanted to scream at him, yell at him for being so stupid and for being so evil. 

Who was the monster now?

“What are you trying to hide? Speak.” Dream tried again, the water almost gone from his hand as the kid in front of him shook his head, not being able to answer the question once more. It was useless, he was not even sure how long he had been here. But judging by the wounds on himself this had happened at least twice before since they seemed to be healing. At least that was something. 

When he once again did not speak, Dream threw the water forcefully on to the other. The drops spread out, some hitting him on his shoulders and his legs meanwhile some managed to sneak themselves on to his face. Yet another broken cry could be heard as his whole body shook from the pain, twitching to try and get away and twitching from the overwhelming pain which was slowly eating away at him. 

He could not remember feeling this sort of pain, he had no memories of ever going through this earlier before. He was whimpering and he was sobbing, wanting it all to come to an end. He just wanted it to end and he wished that he could just die or pass out; anything to escape this gruesome torture. It was inhumane and he was not sure how much longer he could take it. Even if he only had gotten water on him twice. 

“They are not worth this, don’t you understand?” Dream inched himself closer, cupping his cheek with his hand which was still wet. 

The man cried out, trying to yank his head away from the old. But with his dry hand Dream held his cheek pressed against the palm of his hand, letting the water sink into the half-enderman’s skin. There were small frizzling noises heard and he could almost feel Ranboo’s skin burning underneath his hand.  
Ranboo opened his eyes and looked at the man, trying to make him feel something, any sort of empathy. But there was nothing in those green eyes which were proving to be someone in there. What had happened to Dream for him to turn out this cold and evil? This was not him- who was he? Why was this even happening. 

“I want to go home…” Ranboo whispered, feeling his body go more numb for every second that passed by. Dream only let out a quiet ‘tch’ noise as he shook his head. 

“There will be no L’manburg soon.”

Ranboo’s eyes shot open, staring at him in fear. He could die, he could die for his friend if that's what it took for L’manburg and his friends to stay safe and to win this war. But to lose them all and his own home was more than he could handle- where would he even go? 

“Boom.” 

The younger tried his hardest to shoot up, twisting and turning and fighting the restraints with all the power he had left. Dream jerked his hand away and took a step back as he laughed at the injured boy trying to fight the straps he had put there. He laughed as he watched Ranboo burn his skin further with trying to break open the ropes and the leather which was keeping down. He knew it was all in vain. 

“You must be dirty from spending so much time down here… How about a shower?” Ranboo stopped immediately as different colored eyes looked towards the older man who was reaching for the bucket, pulling it up from the floor in front of the kid who looked deathly pale. One could believe that he had not seen the sun for several days. 

“Don’t! Help!” Ranboo cried, his throat almost betraying him as he screamed and writhed in his chains. He could die, he could have a slow and painful death and he would not even get to say goodbye to his friends. He would never be able to hug Tubbo, he would never be able to play with the bees or watch as Tommy tried to play one of his discs without it getting stolen. Never would he be able to return home and never would he be able to feel loved again. 

“Dream! That’s enough!”

Ranboo had not even heard the door opening, he had not heard the footsteps until he heard their voices. He had not been able to register them out of fear of what was to come, getting dunked in water which would burn his skin, blind him and eventually seep into him and damage his organs until he was nothing more than a shell. He had been too busy inside his own head to notice two new people rushing in, grabbing a hold of Dream and quickly pulling him away from the kid tied to the chair. 

When he managed to look again he saw both George and Sapnap holding the green man down, George also taking the bucket away from his friend who was shooting them death glares. Neither of the two looked pleased as they forced him towards the wall and held him there, stopping him from what he was supposed to do. 

“The fuck man!” Sapnap yelled before motioniong to George to go and check up on their prisoner, the man not wasting a second to rush over to the boy who was shaking in his chair. Both from fear and from the cold which was starting to dig into his bones because of the open wounds and the water. 

George was quick with his hands to undo the leather straps and to remove the ropes, freeing Ranboo from his tiny little prison. The boy was not strong enough to hold himself up and so he fell over once he was freed, falling straight down into the arms of George who was quick to capture him. It felt almost comforting as he let his mind go empty, his eyes staring out towards nothing. 

He could not really feel anything, he could not feel fear and he could not feel joy. He felt like he had died and that this is what he wanted to believe what had happened. He did not feel alive and he barely even felt the pain which was skyrocketing through his body. He could not feel it and he was not sure if that was a good or a bad sign. He just let himself sink into George’s small figure. 

“He is a kid! A fucking kid Dream.” Sapnap kept going, Dream trying to escape his friend but failing. Sapnap may be smaller but he was most definitely stronger than the other. He was built like an oxe meanwhile Dream was slightly more frail due to being so tall. In this case he wished it had been the other around. 

“Come on, kid.” George whispered before lifting the other up and carrying him bridal style, trying to get out of the basement room as fast as possible to make sure he would not fall into the hands of Dream once more. Ranboo was barely even conscious to register what was going on as he laid in George’s arms, Sapnap’s and Dream’s voices fading behind him. 

He had not always been scared of the dark.


	2. In our bedroom (after the war)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wake up, say good morning to  
> That sleepy person lying next to you  
> If there's no one there then there's no one there  
> But at least the war is over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I did not expect this to be what people liked to read- but I guess I was wrong. Thank you for the support to this fic, I never expected it to be good really. 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well! Please enjoy this chapter and thank you to Finn once again for editing this chapter even though I am a pain in the ass ;)
> 
> Also, about a week ago my cat died and I have had him for fourteen years. I never got to say goodbye to him but he passed away peacefully at the vet. He was always there and kept me safe for so many years and it has been a bit hard, plus there is not much I can do but to leave a soft memory here for him. 
> 
> Love you all!

_ “What did you do to him?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I never meant for it to go this far.”  _ _  
  
_

_ Two voices spoke in hushed tones, trying to keep themselves as quiet as possible. One of them seemingly angry, hissing the words out in a biting tone that hurt his ears, likely trying to hold back tears from streaming down their face, if the periodic cracks in their voice was anything to go by. Their voice was strained and sounded familiar and, dare he say, safe even. A sense of calmness washed over him as he listened to it but it also bore a sharp edge that he desperately wanted to avoid— it was almost akin to watching an angel crack and mold its angelic form into a demon in front of your eyes. It was not something you wanted to witness.  _

_ The other voice was apologetic, speaking in shame over what had happened and over what they had done. Their breath was harsh and strangled, their words cutting off when they needed to take a deep breath before going forward with their incessant apologies. It was sad to listen to, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind. He didn’t want to wake up and see what was going on, even if he found his interest rather piqued about who or what the two were talking about. He wanted to know who they were as well, but something kept him laying still with his eyes closed.  _

_ He had no strength in his body and it felt like he had just been running. It felt like he had been running, been underwater or in a big fight. His muscles were aching and he couldn’t find it in himself to move them. Not that he wanted to do that, anyways. He just wanted to stay asleep and rest just a bit more, but the voices were a disturbing force in his head and made him curious. He had always been like this, always wanting to check things out when he was younger. He supposed it was just in his nature to do that. _

_ There had never been a stop to his exploring as he ran through thickets and waded through the rivers in the world he found himself living in. He needed to know everything and he needed to know their name, lest he forget it. He wanted to play with the bees and run around picking flowers in the woods. He had never been like the rest of them, never been able to befriend the so-called normal people who lived in towns and built those massive towers. They had been too afraid of him.  _

_ But now he did know them, and he knew those two voices were familiar. They were his friends, or at least that’s what he believed them to be. It sounded like his friends even if he was not sure which of them it was. It could be anyone really— it was hard to tell while you were trying to sleep. God knows how exhausted he felt.  _

_ “How could you even let this happen in the first place?” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I am so, so very sorry.”  _

_ The voices kept talking and he let out an annoyed grumble, making the buzzing noise snap shut and hold breathlessly still for a few counts. He could almost feel how they stared into his back as he laid in his bed, cuddled up against blankets and pillows. It felt safe and soothing, warm and dry. The sheets were soft against his skin— it was a harsh reminder that he was hurting, badly. Although he couldn’t remember why it stung, he couldn’t remember for the moment at least and for a second he enjoyed it.  _

_ There was something tense in the air which hung above him like a cloud. So many unspoken words and so many feelings and pains which were not making themselves known just yet. He liked that though, to just live in peace for a second without having to worry about things in the world. It was just him there with the two other voices talking. He wished they were quiet but it was also comforting that he was not alone.  _

_  
_ _ “Ranboo?” _

_ He heard his name getting called and in his head he reacted, but for some reason the rest of him did not. His body did not move no matter how much he tried to make it turn over and to open his eyes. He was left alone in his head without being able to give signs that he was alive and somewhat awake. The voice sighed.  _

_ “He is to never set a foot in here, or talk to my people. If he as much as looks at this place, I will personally assassinate him. Dirty if I so have to after what he has done.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I understand.”  _

_ There were so many words being said and they were all starting to melt together for him, they were melting together into a mess which he could not understand or hear anymore. It was starting to fade out and he could not find it in him to mind. He just let it happen, he let the voices go back to the same void which they had gotten out from. It was fine by him, hugging the sheets closer to his chest before letting himself return to his sleepy state.  _

_ \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

  
  
  


He took a deep breath before opening his eyes. His eyes which had grown used to the dark room he had been kept in hurt once the light hit them. It hurt to finally be exposed to some real light and to the sun which was warming the sky above them. It hurt to open them and it hurt to breathe, his chest aching in a pain that was likely more than just his lungs acting up. He felt his nerves burning, he felt the dreaded tingly, sharp sensation inside and out. 

The bed he was in probably belonged to someone else, there was no indication that the bed sheets or the bed frame which he found himself to be laying in was anything close to his. It was also a bit too fluffy and soft for it to be his own and made him slightly confused and lost on where he was, adding on to his already growing disorientation. It did although seem to not be too unfamiliar which was a shred of good news. He was not in a stranger's house which had to be  _ something _ , right?

His arms and his body shook with strain as he tried to sit up, everything hurting and his nerves telling him his skin had been peeled off of him. He would’ve believed that there were thousands of needles pricking him, but a glance down told him that nothing covered him beside a dark shirt together with a couple of bandages which ran all over his arms and over his hands. That was weird, he hadn’t needed bandages in a long, long while. He wore the best armour out there to keep himself protected from any blows that came in his direction. Maybe he had gotten into a cat fight?

He grunted quietly while forcing himself up, everything inside of him complaining as he tried to ignore the chills that came with a sitting position. It was almost like he had not been moving for several days and that his muscles had started to fade away. He was not sure about it and his head felt both heavy and light at the same time. Something had happened and if he tried hard enough he knew he would be able to remember it, but maybe he did not want to. 

Something inside of him told him that he should not try to remember, that he should lock it deep inside and toss the key into the abyss. There was something fundamentally  _ wrong _ here and an overwhelming feeling of terror was hiding behind a wall inside of him. It crept closer to show its hideous self and bathe itself in the spotlight of his attention. It wanted to make him handle it. But he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to feel that feeling that always, without fail, came as an extra present whenever he tried to remember his past doings and actions. 

“Oh! You’re awake!” 

Ranboo turned his head around to see someone sitting a few meters away from him in a soft chair. He was wearing a white button up three sizes too big on him and made in a thin material. In a way, he looked like he stepped from Victorian times and it was adorable. If it wasn’t from the slightly ripped pants he would have guessed that it was the aesthetic he was going for. Either way it suited him.

His eyes were filled with worry and they were shiny and glossy as if he had been crying, but there were no tears stains on his cheeks. The boy gave him a soft smile before hurrying over to his friend, sitting down next to the bed which was resting against the wall. Ranboo smiled back, looking at his friend with admiration and happiness. 

“Tubbo…” He whispered quietly before the other threw his arms around him, wrapping them around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. It stung physically but he ignored it as he wrapped his arms around the other boy. He let his head rest on top of his shoulders and take in the comfort that came with the embrace. 

There was something which was being unsaid, he could feel it. And he guessed that it had something to do with the fact that he was wrapped in bandages and felt like he had just been lit on fire. He knew that he could remember if he just tried, if he just tried he could think back on the past days and he would understand what was going on. But once again there was something stopping him, telling him that it was better to not remember what had happened. Maybe it was for the better. 

“I am so sorry.” The other whispered softly, a small sob wrecking his body in Ranboo’s arms. He held onto the other tighter, pulling him up in the bed beside him and just hugging his friend. There was something about hugging someone that made him feel better. His parents had never been the touchiest with him and he had been quite the longer growing up- so to finally feel someone holding him and caring for him had quickly gotten addictive. He wouldn’t trade it for anything else. 

“Don’t worry.” Ranboo assured the blond boy who clung on to him for dear life, whispering apology after apology between his breaths. Ranboo could only sit and listen as he tried his best to keep the memories out of his head and instead focus on the love which he was receiving. He tried to focus on the happy instead of the dark which was just behind the corner. It was not healthy and he knew it, but he would deal with it in a second. 

“I thought you were dead. I thought you were  _ dead! _ ” Ranboo tugged the other gently away, trying to get eye contact with the boy who had been sitting beside him and waiting for him to wake up. He was such a kind soul and he did not deserve the amount of hate he got from the other people who lived in their little town. Tubbo was a good person and did what he thought was best for everyone. Ranboo had seen it over and over again. 

“I thought I had lost you as well, I can’t lose you both. I can’t-” 

“I’m here, I’m alright.” He cut him off, trying to reassure the other. 

Tubbo sniffled quietly as he held his arms around the other boy, letting his face nudge itself into his shirt as he hid away from the outside world and embracing his friend. Ranboo gently rubbed on his back as he stared out into the room, his chest feeling empty and almost cold as he held his mourning friend. His friend who almost had lost both of his friends— maybe one already lost. They had no idea where or how Tommy was. 

“I’m going to kill him.” The small mumble was barely audible as his shirt deafened most of it out. But Ranboo still managed to catch up on it and his blood turned cold at the words. Tubbo had never been the one to be violent, Ranboo could not remember seeing the boy starting a fight. Not even once could he remember the smaller boy picking up his sword because of someone else, the only thing he had ever heard him do was what had happened during the L’manburg wars. But that was war and that was something different, that was not as personal as this was. 

This was a direct threat from the president, a direct threat against another human being, someone he probably knew as well. He’s sure he could remember who, if he just tried to fight back he could remember who it was that had done this to him and he could understand why and who it was Tubbo would run after. But for now he had no idea and judging by the wounds he had he did not want to know. He didn’t want to know or throw himself into the evil circle that was trauma. He wanted to escape it, he wanted to escape it so bad. 

He knew that he had to face it, he knew that he had to collect himself and remember what had happened no matter if it was trauma or not. But everything hurt so much and he did not want to understand why he was feeling so much fear. He did not want to understand why everything inside of him was screaming at him to run or to hide. He never wanted to know and he enjoyed the bliss of it, but it had to come to an end. 

“Tubbo, don’t-”   
  
“No, not after what he did to Tommy and to you. My best friend was lost to him and— and I almost lost  _ you _ as well. I don’t care anymore. This. Ends. Now.” 

Dream. 

It was Dream who had forced Tubbo to let go of his best friend, to throw him out of the country and alone into the wilderness, the misty backdrop of the SMP. It was Dream who had put them in this situation and Ranboo knew that Tubbo blamed himself a lot for it- even if it was Dream as well. Dream was the puppeteer using everyone as his little dolls, playing around and enjoying every minute of it. It was sick to think about it.

It must have been Dream who had done this, it must have been Dream who had made him end up this wounded. How and when he was not sure, heck he had no idea that it had happened anyway. But judging by how Tubbo was dead set on taking revenge on Dream, it must’ve been the green man who had caused him this much pain. But then, why him? And how, exactly, had he gotten away? 

“We both know you can’t.” Ranboo spoke and Tubbo looked up, drying the tears off of his face and wearing an expression which only screamed of pain and anger. He was devastated and he was done with this game. He stood upon the narrow edge and he was going to jump regardless, Dream had finally succeeded in his goal to push him far enough for the boy to take drastic measures. Ranboo couldn’t blame him. 

“Damn it, Ranboo! Can’t you see? Can’t you  _ see _ ?!” His voice cracked slightly as he stood in the room, a room which suddenly felt so open and so empty. The windows were letting in soft light and one of them must be open, letting in a soft breeze. Tubbo looked so small as he stood there, tear stained cheeks and a loose green button up shirt which fell over his body. He wasn’t wearing his iconic suit today. 

Something felt strange as he looked at him, something felt wrong as his eyes met those deep green ones. Those eyes which were usually filled with so much happiness and zest for life were now dark as they bore into him, staring into his soul. There was absolutely no coming back from this and Tubbo would not rest until Dream was down,  _ permanently _ , or when his best friend came back. The cracks were showing. 

“He almost killed you, Ranboo. Tommy might already be  _ dead! _ ” The compass hung around his neck, snapped shut. Tubbo always made sure that the arrow was always spinning to indicate that his best friend was still alive and well. As long as the arrow spun, Tommy was okay. That was the only string of hope Tubbo had lately, that his arrow was still pointing to show the way towards the blond boy somewhere in the woods. He guarded it with his life. 

The compass was reflecting the light in the room as his hair moved softly against his cheeks, he used to be so cheerful and now he was only an empty shell of what he could’ve been. He had seen too much and he had gone through way too much. He was still a boy, just like he was. This was all unfair, it was all so very unfair. 

Ranboo looked down over himself, the bandages pristine around his body as they made sure to hide whatever wounds were hidden underneath. He wasn’t sure what they looked like or how severe they were, but they did hurt like nothing else. They burned him as if there was hot charcoal against his skin, digging into him and threatening to peel him like a fruit. Tubbo was watching him, he could feel those eyes looking at him as his hands moved on their own. 

He grabbed at the bandages, whimpering slightly as he fought to get them up again. It stung to touch and to put pressure on the wounds which waited underneath which scared him even more. Why was he doing this? Why was he even looking? It was almost as if his hands had started to move on their own as he undid the bandages, unwrapping them from his arm.

When there was only one layer left he stopped and glanced up to Tubbo, the boy watching him intently. The brunet boy was most likely aware that he was not completely sure about what had happened or how things looked like since they both knew that his memory was not the one to trust. They both knew that Ranboo was too shaken up to even try and think back to the incident and in a way- he was glad the other had not said too much about it. He wanted to know himself. 

He bit down on his lip before gently pulling the last bandage away, revealing his arm and his skin underneath. He almost threw up. 

There were blisters everywhere, his skin looking like it had been gnawed down by a big dog. There were wounds no matter where his eyes looked and he could almost not even believe that this was really him. There were small ones in the form of circles, and here and there it looked like things had been running down his arms like a knife. It looked like his skin had been trying to tear itself from his muscles and his bones, trying to escape him. 

He knew those blisters, after so many years of being who he was there was no point in even trying to deny what had been the reason for these. He knew how they had gotten here and he had gotten them before, although never this severe. Only one or two drops had landed on his skin before since he was as careful as he could possibly be when it came to these things. 

Dream had poured water on him. 

It almost flashed before his eyes, the dark room and the cold and hard chair which kept him still as the liquid ran over his body and burned him alive. It was such a normal thing, but to him it was acid. To him water could mean death and Dream had been aware of that and he had used it against him. He had yelled, screamed at him over and over again. But it had not just been once— this could’ve never come from one time. 

He could remember screaming until his lungs gave out, the green man holding his fingers in the water and letting it burn into him before pulling them up again, the skin almost gone. There had been blood, although he could not remember how much or from where. He could only remember his eyes seeing glistening crimson wherever he turned and the aching pain in his nerves as they tried to recover from what had just happened. 

When the world felt merciful, he passed out, but when it didn’t he hadn’t even been able to close his eyes from the torture he had been put through. It all hit him like a train and his eyes were wide as he looked at himself. He was already choking on his breaths as the memories flooded him, shaking in pain and in terror as his eyes could not tear themselves away from him. He could have died, he had almost died. Never before had he been this close to death or to meet such a devastating end. Had Dream really done this? It was difficult to imagine anyone being capable of this.   
  
In his wildest dreams, he could never even imagine Dream trying to do something like this. He had heard such wonderful stories about the fabled man, to realize that he could do this was something new to him. He didn’t like it and he wished he could just forget and return to the bliss he had felt earlier. He did not want to know and he did not want to feel whatever it was he was feeling right now. The boy wanted to scream, he wanted to scream so badly. 

“Ranboo listen, please!” Tubbo begged and carefully grabbed his hands, making sure to not touch the areas which were completely burned away. Even so the other flinched and glanced up to him, tears filling up his eyes as he took small and quick inhales, partly to not jostle anything, partly because there was nothing else he could do. He was panicking and Tubbo felt lost and alone. 

“I’m here, you are safe. Please.” He kept going as the other swallowed, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the images of himself. He wished he could unsee it, why had he been so stupid? Why had Tubbo not stopped him?

Tubbo had not been there for several days, he was not sure exactly how many but he knew it had gone more than three days of being there. Had the other tried to save him? Had he been looking for him and had the others been worried as well? Where were they anyways?

“Ranboo, look at me.” The man immediately darted his eyes towards the other who gave him a sad nod, silently promising him that things would turn out okay. He had never been the best with words, Ranboo knew that. But the other had always been there for him anyways. He had always hugged him, always left something for him. Tubbo was his best friend, even if he was not his. 

Once again he was embraced, he had lost count on how many times the other had hugged him but he didn’t mind it. He liked his hugs, they were warm and they were caring and they made him feel loved. It only lasted a few seconds though before Tubbo released him and sat down on the bed in front of him.

Sometimes he wished that he was blind, sometimes he wished he didn’t notice some things. This time was one of those. It was not even the blisters which were frightening him anymore or making him feel worried. Sure, they were scary and they were traumatic but something new had just entered the game. Something which he knew no one would be able to heal from. 

He would heal from the blisters, they would start to fade away in a month or two and only leave a couple of scars. The trauma would stick with him forever, but if he did his best he might be able to forget it as well. He hoped he could forget, but he knew Tubbo would never be able to forget this. 

Tubbo would not heal from this, if what he guessed was true. Tubbo would never come back and he did not even want to know what the future would look like from the boy when he found out about it. He hoped it would take as long as possible for him to see, but on the inside he knew it would only take a couple of minutes if he remembered correctly. Tubbo was always checking his compass. 

It hung open, and from where he was sitting Ranboo could see the little arrow hanging limply. It had been pointing north earlier, standing proudly to the side. Now the arrow was drooping down and swaying gently whenever Tubbo moved, still unnoticed by its owner. It was no longer moving, it was no longer working. There was only one thing that could mean if what he knew was right. 

He was so cold, he was so tired and he did not want to move. Tubbo already looked so broken, and the arrow had been alive and well just a couple of seconds ago. Dream was still out there as well as Tommy, he was still out there and he probably extremely pissed from losing Ranboo. God knows what he was doing. 

Ranboo swallowed once more before standing up, staring at Tubbo who had no clue about what was happening or going on. He only held that same pitying look in his eyes as he stared confused at Ranboo who was slowly making himself out of bed. 

  
“Where are you going?” 

The question remained unanswered as the half enderman staggered his way towards the door, leaning on it to try and keep himself up. He was letting out silent whines from the pain which was overtaking his body and making him want to throw up. Tubbo could not handle another heartbreak, he couldn’t. 

“Ranboo?”

He had to find Tommy, he had to go back out there, however hard it may be. He had to follow the road the blond male had made in the nether and he had to go out there. He had to follow it and he had to find the other boy, wherever he might be. 

The second he closed the door, he heard the rustling of the compass chain, a sound he had grown used to from Tubbo’s visits, followed by a painful cry coming from his friend. Dread settled in his stomach. He almost turned back right then and there, wanting to hold Tubbo in his arms as he had previously done for Ranboo, but he shook off the guilt as best he could. There was a time and place for comfort, and time was a luxury he could ill afford.

He had a mission, he thought, as he turned his gaze to the nether portal blazing in the distance. 

I know, cursed as all hell. He calls it "Ranfruit" and threatened to not edit if I did not put it in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My editor is holding me at a gunpoint if I dont add that image please-
> 
> Anyways, thank you all so much for reading! Please leave a comment or such, it really makes my day and uh,, i check my inbox religiously all day because it makes me incredibly happy. 
> 
> Remember to take care of yourselves, you all matter. Especially after such dark imagery this fic paints up. Therefore I will put up a few numbers for anyone who might need them. I love you all, thank you so much for reading. 
> 
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	3. Home at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! Welcome to the last chapter!
> 
> A big thank you to my editor. I love him with all of my heart and I owe him so much for helping me edit these chapters. I put way too much work on him and he deserves a lot of love, so if you can, leave a little thank you to him. Thank you so so very much Finn!
> 
> Also, the end of the fanfic. How we all feeling? It's been quite the ride. This was never supposed to be any big and I hope you don't mind the shortness of it all. 
> 
> I will not bore you out more than that, enjoy the chapter!

Ranboo only stared, silently. 

Once he had returned from the forest without a trace of Tommy, Tubbo had broken down. The boy had clutched onto his shirt, crying and screaming for dear life when he learned what happened. Ranboo had never seen someone that broken before, never someone so pushed beyond their limits like his friend was right now and he felt so lost, he didn’t know how he was even supposed to comfort him. 

Ranboo never told him about the tower. One of the only slivers of information he could bear to tell Tubbo was that Tommy was gone and the place was blown to smithereens and there was nothing left but the ruins of what used to be a home in exile. He had not gone to check for a body, he didn’t want to see what was left of his friend laying at the foot of a tower. He wanted to spare himself the sight and leave the memories of a happy and smiling Tommy instead of what might’ve become of him.

Tubbo would never say anything much since that, only a mumbled command now and then when the country really needed it. He had cried his heart out until he suddenly seemed to go numb and quiet, staring out into space with dull eyes and that horrible horrible weight on his shoulders. Ranboo almost blamed himself for it all, he had known there was a road in the nether that led to the woods Tommy claimed for himself in his exile. He did not know the exact location, but maybe if he just  _ told _ someone about it maybe Tommy could have been saved.

But then again, Dream never would’ve let that happen. 

Dream would have stopped them before they even had a chance and so Ranboo saw no purpose in following the road he knew could possibly lead him to Tommy. He had to keep them safe and he was not even sure on what he was supposed to do if he went out there, it’s not like he could hang around or give him stuff without Dream taking notice. Would things have been different?

It hurt to see his best friend like this, almost as much as it had hurt to be with Dream those lonely nights. It hurt so much to not know how to help and it hurt to sit and just watch as his friend looked out over a country he had sworn to protect, a country his friend had built and put his everything into. Ranboo did not even want to imagine how much Tubbo must blame himself for this whole ordeal and how much he must hate himself. No matter what he said to him, however, the sorrow and perhaps guilt in his eyes remained. 

That’s how the days passed around them, Tubbo standing by a window looking down over his land and his people as the sun shone over them. He never went down and he never left his room from what Ranboo noticed. It was heartbreaking. People were also starting to notice that the boy was always standing by the large window and looking down upon them, some had even tried to wave hello to him. They never got an answer and slowly, like a weed, rumors were starting to spread. Ranboo had kept quiet. 

Tubbo would refuse food and it almost looked like he was withering away. There were dark circles underneath his eyes which stood out against his pale skin, his eyes looked dull and lifeless and you never knew whether he saw you or not. It was almost as if he was staring straight into space at all times no matter what- there was no saving him from it either too. There was still a half-written letter left on the table, one among many he had saved for his best friend’s return. 

Some days, he did not even get out of bed. The window would from time to time lose its appeal to the young boy and remained empty of its sole user. Those days were spent fraught with worry and Ranboo hated them with all of his might. He sometimes ended up screaming in frustration and concern for Tubbo to get up only to be met with silence, not a word escaping him and not even as much as shrug coming off of him. He truly, truly loathed those days. 

Dream had not said a word, he had not even shown his face from what he had gathered while going out to buy groceries or getting something for the two of them. It was a strange disappearance and everyone seemed to have different theories as to where the infamous man had wandered off to. Some believed that he had gotten quite ill and was suffering from some rare disease, others stated that he had finally left together with Tommy and was now somewhere out there together with his friends who also seemed to have disappeared. 

Some people celebrated, thinking that they could finally live in peace. Ranboo knew better. 

Dreamland never been one to disappear suddenly, he must be somewhere among them and Ranboo knew deep inside that he wasn’t taking a break from tormenting them all. Itt was just a matter of when the blond man would once again show the porcelain smile on the streets and talk with the chipper tone that dripped venom, hidden so masterfully you’d never know it was there in the first place. He was just like a sneak, smart and dangerous as well as intimidating. He may not look like much, but everyone knew that he could kill them all if he truly wanted to. 

He was always on edge, never leaving Tubbo for more than an hour or so just in case Dream would decide it was time to come back for more. He hated being alone and he also hated to have Tubbo being alone, especially after what Dream had done to him. 

Nightmares came and passed like the days, not a single one of which would go by without something irrational and irrelevant making him choke up and his world cease to make sense. Hell, something as simple as metal against metal or a chair that looked slightly too similar to the one he had spent his endless nights handcuffed to could do it. It would spring up the moment he let his guard down, take him back to the torture that he had to endure for god knows how long. 

He sometimes could still feel the pain lingering on his skin, his skin which he covered up and never looked at in fear of what he might see. He did not want to see the scars and he did not want to see the bruises, yet another reminder, another unwanted memory of what he had been through. He hated to see it and he covered up at all times, closing his eyes and turning mirrors around whenever he had to change his clothes. 

  
  
  


One day, Tubbo was no longer in his room. 

He had walked in with tea and crackers just like every day that came before, the tea and crackers were always left untouched but Ranboo prayed that they would not be one day. The cup and the plate had turned into a million pieces once he spotted the empty room which gave him nothing to say where his friend had left. He was gone, without him even noticing. 

His legs were still unused to running, but he had managed to sprint outside, scanning for the boy to see where he had gone and if he was okay. He felt lost and confused, but mostly scared as he took sharp inhales, disregarding how his chest ached. His whole body felt like it was burning all over again and wounds he was trying to heal were protesting against him moving like this. He tried his best to ignore it. 

“Tubbo!” He screamed out into the air, but nothing came back to him. The only thing which could be heard was the wind and the nature which surrounded him as he stood on the wooden path in the middle of a nation his friend was the ruler of. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream once again. But he could not be weak for his friend, not after everything that had happened to them. He had to be strong. For him. 

Everything seemed to move in slow motion around him, even if he knew that he was sprinting full force down the road to try and find his friend. He had failed him once again, he had let him down once again and this time it might even be too late. This time comfort words and warm hugs might not be enough- not that it ever was. How could he have let this happen? It was his fault, he had not been there for him enough and he had been a horrible friend. 

Tubbo had bandaged him up when he had returned from Dream and Tubbo had been there when he woke up, and what had he done in return? Bringing him tea and crackers (he wasn’t even sure if he  _ liked _ tea and crackers) in a shallow attempt to repay what he never could? Sure he stayed in the same room to make sure he was doing somewhat alright but he hadn’t even  _ tried _ to fix him. He couldn’t save Tubbo from the constant state of staring out the windows and lying in bed and he couldn’t even comfort the guy. He would never be enough, would he? 

It was his fault that Tubbo was not around, it was his fault Tubbo had fallen into such a deprivation. If he had only just tried harder, if only he had done more he could’ve helped him and he could have been the friend he never was. Tubbo deserved so much more than he had been given and it was unfair that Ranboo was standing around alive when Tubbo was gone. Why was it never him? 

He halted to a stop once he started hearing voices, soft and distant once, which seemed to be familiar but also not around. He recognized them, one of them more frightening than Dream’s voice. This voice was monotone and cold, sturdy and in control, a stark contrast to Dream’s intense, hollow friendliness. He had only heard tales of this man but he immediately knew who it was. 

There was a lump in his throat but he tried to swallow it and to ignore the burning pain inside of his chest. Ranboo wanted to fall to the ground and disappear, not wanting to be in this world anymore, not wanting to fail his friends over and over again. Maybe it would have been better if they never saved him and let him be in that cellar. 

He ran towards them anyways. 

His vision was blurry and he wanted to give up, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t give up because he had to push this last time, he had to make sure he had at least done something for his friends and that he was something more than a burden to carry. He had to be someone, he had to feel something else than pain. 

Tubbo was wearing a red sweater, which meant that he had actually thrown on something else than one of his t-shirts. His hair was a mess of brown curls which stood out against the nature around them and Ranboo found himself letting out a breath he was not aware that he had been holding. Tubbo was okay, he was fine. But why was he out here?

Ranboo climbed up on a small hill and looked over them, studying the people who had gathered down there as if nothing was wrong. Tubbo was as still as one could be, not moving a muscle while staring straight in front of him together with the compass in his hand, the compass which had stopped spinning. Why had it stopped spinning? 

Tommy was standing in front of him, wearing a shocked and confused expression. He had pale and half-healed wounds covering him, but he was  _ alive _ . His hair tucked neatly into a pigtail behind his head. The blond strands had been growing quite a bunch while being in exile without anyone there to cut it. It almost suited him though, Ranboo thought as he kept looking at them. 

Tommy was wearing different clothes, a cloak draped elegantly over his shoulders as well as blue thick clothing which looked to be quite warm. He was standing next to someone who was actually taller than him, a male who was wearing similar clothing, the sole distinguishing marks being the jewelry and fine works in his clothes. He was scary and intimidating— dangerous. 

Technoblade. 

There were so many stories and myths about him, some even said that Ranboo reminded them of the feared man. Why exactly he never knew but there was something about his voice and how he was sometimes just as monotone as the other. They had absolutely nothing in common however and Ranboo did not want to be associated with him, not when it meant people looked at him with fearful eyes and flinched whenever he came close. 

And there he was, Tommy at his side. It almost seemed like Technoblade and he had teamed up and were now allied. Maybe they lived together out in the cold winter forest that Techno lived in? It was his best guess. Why were they here, though? And what do they want?

Tubbo looked like he had lost it all and that the world no longer made sense to him, he looked happy but uncertain at the same time and Ranboo could not blame him. He too was unsure on how Tommy was alive and what he was doing here, he was not even supposed to be allowed to stick around L’manburg. It was forbidden, although forbidden by Tubbo. Tubbo had been the one who exiled him while being threatened by Dream. Maybe it was not that strange. 

Ranboo bit down on his lip and hugged himself, watching the two friends finally break the distance and fly into each other's arms. They were both crying and clutching on to the other as if life depended on it, and who knows, maybe it did. Maybe life did depend on this and them being together, it did not matter anyways. Tubbo was happy. 

All he wanted was for his friends to be happy, that was all that he needed in this world and all that he longed for. His mission was done, although he had not been the one to conclude it. He should feel happy. 

… He… he had never been the one carrying out the mission, was he? Tubbo had Tommy and so he was happy, he had never needed Ranboo. He had been foolish to think he would be enough for him. 

Where was he supposed to go now? 

Ranboo tore his eyes away from the boys down the hill and turned his back to them, not wanting to look anymore. The wounds on his skin and his body ached together with his heart, almost as if they were one in the same. It did not make any sense. Why did it feel like this? Why was it that everywhere he went, there was pain, so much pain around him and why does he have to be the one to carry it? But that was selfish, isn’t it. He swallowed and wiped the tears away from his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” He promised himself, whispering words no one would ever hear beside himself. “You are alright, your job here is done.”   
  


There was only one place where he knew he could go to, only one person he knew that might make it all turn okay and make the pain stop. 

Once again he was on his way towards somewhere, although this time he was not searching and he was not panicking. This time he could accept his fate and what was about to come, that this is all that he was here for and he knew that this was his only way out. 

Tubbo didn’t have to know; if it went well, hopefully he would never even find out. Maybe he would remember him as something else than the broken and blistered boy that had hung around him, maybe he would have been remembered as how he was when he had first showed up to L’manburg in search for something new. That is how he wanted to be remembered, as the happy boy looking for something great in life. 

It felt like he was there in no time, knocking on the door with a heavy heart and a rock in his stomach. There was no turning around, not that he wanted to. His road ended here, he could do nothing better than to go ahead. 

The door opened and there stood the blond male who he knew all too well. He knew his voice and he knew those eyes like the back of his hand. They never left him alone and they were always there to haunt him when he closed his eyes or when he was alone. Those eyes were always watching him and making sure that he didn’t step out of line or tried to do something stupid. 

“Ranboo.” 

His name hung in the air heavily and the boy nodded, his back straight and his hair falling over his face and mixing white and black together. They were just another reminder that this was not his home and that he did not belong here. 

“Hey Dream.” 

Sapnap and George did not seem to be around and Ranboo wondered where his two best friends had gone to. Maybe they were out getting food or maybe they had something else to do this lovely day, it  _ was _ nice outside. It was so lovely. 

Dream leaned against the door frame and raised a passive eyebrow at him, almost as if he was asking him what he wanted and what he was doing here, as if he hadn’t been following his every step and thought since that day. Or well, since  _ those _ days (he had been there for a lot longer than he originally thought). He never wanted to return and he wished that he could forget, he was usually so good at forgetting. How could he not forget this? 

He was afraid, his heart beating inside of his chest and his instincts screaming at him that there were other, better ways. Maybe there was another way to make it all go away and maybe there was another way to stop this from happening and allow him to live like the rest of them. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? He was not like them. He was an outsider among them, someone who did not belong and someone who’s place was not here. He had to find it, somewhere far, far away from the SMP and L’manburg. 

Tubbo wouldn’t notice his absence, he would go on to live happily with his friends in the nation they had created. They were the ones who belonged here, in this world together with the rest of the people Ranboo called his friends. 

Dream smirked at him before letting him into the house, closing the door behind the boy and making sure to lock it as he led the other into his home. Just like a lamb to the slaughter, Ranboo thought morosely. There was no time to have feelings or being scared, there was no point in fighting. This was what he had to do.

  
  


“Let’s do it, then.” 

  
  


-

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Dear Tubbo, _

_ I hope you are doing well and that L’manburg is standing just as proudly as it should. I mean, you are the president after all! I always knew that you could do wonders and I never expected anything less of you. You were always so strong and so capable of doing amazing things, I saw it in you the first day I joined your nation and I still believe in it, I still believe in you.  _

_ It never rains here, it’s amazing. I don’t have to wear all my armor and those helmets I had to carry wherever I went. I don’t have to worry about getting hurt here and it’s almost as if I belong, but there is still a missing piece somewhere. I’m still trying to find it and although I’m not sure where it is or what it even is, I'm determined! I do try my best everyday to search or try new things, I have actually found a love for writing. Maybe it’s because of all my memory books I kept back in L’manburg. I forgot where I put them, funnily enough.  _

_ How is Tommy? I heard that it was the explosion Dream caused that destroyed his compass and that’s why yours stopped spinning. He was fine all along and we didn’t know! Insanely lucky, isn’t he? If Techno had not been around he might have been toast, but Tommy is strong. I’m sure that he would have been fine anyways. I hope he is back in L’manburg for good and that Dream has stopped tormenting you all.  _

_ The blisters have finally healed, I know, it took forever. But they are gone now and I can’t feel any of the pain anymore! It feels great honestly. They only itch slightly from time to time and some have scarred, but it’s nothing too bad. It is mostly the memories which haunts me, I still see that room at times. I have written about the room so many times- the images just won't go away. Maybe one day they will go away and I can live peacefully again. Until then I will just have to keep on writing about it.  _

_ Did you know that I could teleport? I am learning something new everyday. It is quite hard and drains me, but the more I practice and the more I do it the better I get! Yesterday I managed to teleport fifteen meters! Fifteen! You should have seen it, it was awesome. My new goal is to try and make it twenty or teleport up or down instead of just side to side, it’s hard however. Maybe one day, I hope that day comes soon.  _

_ I hope you don’t miss me too much! I bet you are too busy taking care of L’manburg and Tommy though. I miss you at least a whole lot. I wish I could come and visit you one day, maybe once the portal is opened you can come here and I could come there! Until then I will have to stay in here together with everyone else. I miss hearing your voice and to run around with you, you always were the energetic one. I wish I could have been more like you.  _

_ I hope you write back soon!  _

_ Yours, Ranboo.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He closed the letter and tucked it in an envelope, placing it in one of the drawers which were next to his desk together with the other ones resting peacefully on top of each other. He smiled as he looked at them before closing the drawer once again. Maybe one day, he could send them. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It hurt to just write this, I am so sorry. 
> 
> It feels good to have it finished! It may not be a perfect ending, there was def. a lot more which could have been added, but for now I feel happy with this one. I wanted to kinda show how much Ranboo cares for Tubbo and how he feels like an outsider, I hope I manage to get the message out there. 
> 
> Remember that you all are loved and cared for, and if theres anything up my socials are in my bio and im always there. Its just to send me a DM and I will answer as fast as I can. I love you and take care.
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts, so please dont forget to comment. This was the end of the story, the end of the road. Thank you all for being here during it. 
> 
> Goodbye!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are highly appreciated! Remember to take care of yourself and take breaks. You are amazing and I love you, drink some water and maybe even get a snack. If its late go to sleep- you deserve it. <3


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